


smoke

by noahlxnd



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: AU, Alcohol, Alternate Universe, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Cute, Depression, Drugs, Fanfiction, Fluff, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Game Programming, Implied Sexual Content, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kuroo knows Karate, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Numbness, Oikawa - Freeform, Sad, Suicidal Thoughts, Tattoos, Toxic Relationship, homphobia, implied selfharm, mentioned r-pe, soft, taking care, tattoo artist au, this is gonna be really sad i am warning you, trigger warning, tw, yaku - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-12-21
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-11 02:41:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 19
Words: 20,069
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28217883
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/noahlxnd/pseuds/noahlxnd
Summary: Kuroo had met Kenma about half a year ago. After tattooing Kenma several times he finally had the guts to ask him out on a date. But after two dates, Kenma suddenly vanished and did not answer to his texts or calls. After checking on him, Kuroo finds out that Kenma struggles with severe depression. But Kenma is embarassed and pushes him away. But Kuroo can´t help thinking about the small figure, curled up in his bed, helpless and thin. He has to help him, even if Kenma does not want it.TW! THIS FIC TALKS ABOUT DEPRESSION; SUICIDE AND SELFHARM. IF YOU ARE FEELING SHITTY PLEASE DON´T READ THIS. If you are feeling suicidal please consider calling a suicide hotline: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines-short updates, I am finishing school rn so it´s stressful but i try to find time-
Relationships: Kozume Kenma & Kuroo Tetsurou, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, kuroken
Comments: 26
Kudos: 65





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I have not published my writing in a long time and haven´t even written in like half a year. English is also not my mothertongue so please excuse my mistakes.  
> As i said earlier this fanfiction portrays depression, suicide and selfharm as i have experienced it. If you are not feeling well mentally, please don´t read this. If you are feeling suicidal please consider calling a suicide hotline: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_crisis_lines
> 
> Now have fun (or suffer muahaha) with the fic :)

As Kuroo entered the apartment of the man he´d just been on a date with half a year ago, he almost choked on the ubiquitous smell of cigarettes and his eyes needed a moment to adjust to the darkness. It had been a while since he checked on Kenma but he did not know that he felt like this.

„Kenma?“, he called out softly.

He did not want to intrude Kenmas privacy but as nobody responded, Kuroo opened the door slowly and entered the living room. The smell was even worse here, clogging Kuroo´s lungs. 

The floor was covered in trash, finished cigarettes, alcohol bottles and empty ramen boxes from the convenience store. 

„Fuck“, Kuroo mumbled to himself.

Kenma had not responded to his text messages and if he did it was only in single words, uncommunicative and short. Why hadn´t he checked on him earlier?

Kuroo opened the bedroom door and found a slim figure laying on the bed, curled up in a ball with blankets covering him.  
He was pale and his skin looked dry and sunken. He had become even more thin, almost emaciated than he normally was. 

His hair had grown too and only the tips of his hair had remained blonde. It was half tied up into a messy bun that was dissolving already and half spread over the pillow. 

Kuroo was filled with worry, Kenma had not even reacted to him entering. 

„Kenma?“, he called out again.

The small figure flinched and looked up, a small, barely noticeable movement of the head. 

„Kuroo“, he whispered, blushing. „Go away, you can´t see me like this.“

Kuroo sighed and smiled, cupping Kenmas face with his hands. The smaller man flinched and Kuroo retreated his hands instantly, apologizing. „Rest, please. I´ll take care of this.“ 

Kenma wanted to shake his head. He wanted Kuroo to go away, he couldn´t see him like this, it was embarassing. But he felt so drained, he could not move a muscle. He did not remember the last time he ate or stood up. He just wanted to sleep again.

And like that, he drifted off.

~

Kenma awoke from a peculiar warmth and a nice smell. He opened his eyes, seeing a small strand of light falling into his room from the living room. 

Kuroo noticed a shuffling from Kenmas room and left the kitchen to check on him. He was awake and looking faily confused. 

As he saw Kuroo, he wanted to hide and never see another human being again. Why was he still here? What did he want from Kenma? Why would he stay after seeing his ugly self?

„Why are you here?“, he stammered. 

Kuroo smiled sadly. „Listen, Kenma I really enjoyed our dates and I wanted to see you again. You did not respond to my messages. I thought maybe you did not like me, but then I wanted to hear you say it. I was not aware that you are feeling down.“

Kenma stared at the floor and just wanted to vanish. He had tried to push Kuroo away over text and since they did not know each other that well, he thought it would be easy. Well, it was not.

Even Oikawa had been easier to push away. 

He had met Kuroo about half a year ago. Kenma was still programming during that time and to celebrate finishing his project, he wanted to get a tattoo. 

He had also been one year clean from drugs and therefore got a cigarette bud, that was put out midway on his arm. 

Well, Kuroo was the tattoo artist. He had shamelessly flirted with Kenma throughout the entire first session and after that the pudding head just kept coming back.

Kuroos entire body was covered in tattoos. They were unique and beautiful, colourful ink on soft skin, water colour forming flowers on his back.

Kenma´s tattoos were so different than his, Kuroo had colourful tattoos, marking memories and happiness.

Kenma just had dark ink on light skin, reminding him of his mistakes and of Kuroo´s warm hands on his skin, his big body shifting when he changed the angle of the needle.

After several tattoo sessions, Kuroo had asked him on a date. They had two dates before Kenma broke contact and retreated into his apartment. He stopped working and stopped doing anything, really. Except for drinking, smoking and thinking.

Kenma rubbed his templed and gazed up into Kuroo´s dark, worried eyes. „I made food.“, the black haired, said softly.

„I don´t want you here.“, Kenma said softly. „Please leave.“

Kuroo said nothing. Kenma looked up into his eyes and felt a pang of guilt at the hurt look in them. Kuroo did not deserve this, he knew that. But Kenma also knew that he did not deserve Kuroo. 

Kuroo swallowed dryly and left the room without saying another word. He did not want to hurt Kenma.

As he heard the apartment door close, Kenma stood up to smoke another cigarette. But as he entered the living room, he stopped. The room was flooded with light, the floor was clean and Kuroo had left selfmade sushi on the table. 

With shaky hands, Kenma pulled out a cigarette and lit it while slowly sitting down. He really was an asshole. 

~

„Kuroo?“

The black haired man looked up into Yaku´s face. 

„Snap out of it man.“, his boss complained. „I know, you´re probably going through some shit right now, but please either take a few days off or concentrate on your fucking job.“ 

Kuroo nodded briefly and tried to gather his attention, eyes focusing on the tattoo layout in front of him.

„Sorry Yaku, I will suck it up for now.“

„You sure? You can take off if you need to.“

Kuroo nodded and focused on the paper in front of him. Kenma´s expressionless face had not left his mind since days. All he wanted was to take care of his fragile soul. He knew, Kenma was not doing well, but he could not do anything if the latter did not want him there.

He had known that he would crush on Kenma since he first walked into the tattoo shop. He was exactly Kuroo´s type and Kuroo hated himself for not being brave enough to return to the apartment.

>Kenma. Please remember to eat today. Take care of yourself!

He hesitated but sent the message, as he had for the last few weeks. Kenma had read them but never answered.

~ 

Yaku watched Kuroo stare onto his paper with an empty gaze. He knew something was very wrong.

Since a few days, Kuroo behaved very untypical, laconic and abstracted. He did not know what was going on, this had never happened before. Kuroo was one of his best employees and he could not allow him to go into a slump since the shop was pretty small. 

He felt helpless.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyaa thanks for the kudos :)  
> I don´t have much experience publishing on AO3 so i am thankful for this feedback :)

Chapter two

Kenma woke up to the ringing doorbell. His legs felt heavy as if they were made of stone. He could not lift a limb, he just moved his eyes tiredly.

„Kenma?“, Kuroo´s voice sounded muffled through the apartment door. He had locked it after Kuroo came in surprisingly last time.

„I will leave you some stuff in front of the door, you don´t have to open up. Take care okay? And know you can always text me. I won´t run away just because you´re difficult or anything.“

Kenma breathed in shakily, waiting for him to go away.

„Anyways, I am leaving now. Text me if you need anything.“

With shaky hands, Kenma pulled another cigarette out of the box. He had been smoking a lot lately and the finished buds build up in the ashtrays all over the apartment. He knew it was smelling intensely but since he lived here, he could not distinguish the smell from fresh air anymore.

Kuroo had brought him some fresh ramen and a new video game for his nintendo, since he had mentioned liking them before. Kenma only felt suffocating guilt.

~

After a week of procrastination and hesitation, Kuroo had decided to pay Kenma another visit. He could not stand the dripping feeling of guilt that pulled him down.

Since he always got himself Ramen after work, he got some for Kenma too. Still, he did not want to enter without his allowance, he just left the stuff in front of the door with a little message.

Kuroo continued to bring by food and little gifts every day and Kenma hated it. He hated being the center of attention and especially hated gifts.

Nevertheless, somewhere deep in his heart he liked it and found a reason in it. A reason to keep on living. 

But the past had taught him not to trust too quickly.

Despite Kuroo´s efforts he had been feeling worse every day and he suffered under nightmares. Nightmares of angry eyes, pursed lips and bittersweet, soothing words.

Some days he heard Kuroo on the door and wished that he would just enter. But he brushed these thoughts off quickly.

~

The next time Kuroo brought food over to Kenma´s house, the door was unlocked.

He opened it slowly, Kenma probably did not do this on purpose. The overwhelming smell of cigarettes rolled over him again and he had to hold his breath for a second.

Had Kenma been doing worse? Was he smoking more?

„Kenma, I´m here.“, he called out. „I won´t enter your room to leave you alone but I´ll leave some food here and stay for a while, if you want to you can come out.“  
Kenma sighed, glad to hear Kuroo´s voice and happy that he didn´t force him to do anything. Still, he played with the thought of going out there, just to see his face, his dark hair and his tattoos.

But still, he would need to talk with him. And he did not want social interaction at all right now. 

Still, hearing Kuroo shuffling in the living room made the desire to see him burn inside of Kenma´s chest.

Kuroo was throwing cigarette buds into the trash as he heard the door to the bedroom open. He smiled to himself without making a comment. His chest felt warm and his heart fluttered slightly.

He looked over his shoulder carefully. Kenma stood midst the freshly tidied room and looked a little lost. His figure had become even slimmer, even though he had been eating Kuroo´s food.

His hair was open and looked dull as well as his eyes that were staring on the floor shyly. 

Without saying a word, Kuroo sat down on the couch and started reading a novel he brought.

If Kenma wanted to talk, he would.

So he concentrated on Dan Browns words on the white paper.

~

Kenma sat on the other end of the couch and just looked at Kuroo.

After a while, he managed to breathe properly and calm his first panic. Coming out of his room had been an impulsive act and he almost had a panic attack just now.

But Kuroo had said nothing and that made him feel so much more at ease. He watched the dark eyes of his opponent fly over the pages, absorbing every word and line.

Kenma smiled at the soft squint of Kuroo´s eyes whenever he was thinking about the words he´d just read.

His eyes wandered over Kuroos exposed tattoos, the moth on his neck and the many small tattoos that intertwined to form his sleeves. His hair was a mess, as always but it was usually fluffy and stubborn. Right now it was really just messy and looked unhealthy.

Something had been on his mind and the slight bags under his eyes proved him right.

Kenma just hoped it wasn´t him. He would not be able to forgive himself if he stole valuable hours of sleep from Kuroo.

The thin boy held his head in his hands and looked at Kuroo for a while. He appreciated what Kuroo did for him but still felt embarassed and like a burden to him.

His mind kept telling him that Kuroo only wanted to fuck him and that Kenma did not deserve his nice deeds even though they were only meant to sleep with him.

Still, he wanted him to be truthful so bad. He wanted someone to trust and to help him when he just needed a desperate hug, a simple clinging to another ones body. 

Kenma wanted Kuroo to fall in love with him too.

But that was impossible, when he could not even love himself, how would Kuroo be able to?

Kuroo was a far too incredible person.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thanks for the bookmark :)  
> this chapter has some suicidal thoughts at the end so hugeee tw pls check out your suicide hotlines if you´re feeling down.  
> I have also put a tw right before it so you can skip.

Kenma woke up in his bed – which usually was not surprising. But it was this time.

Did he sleep in on the couch while watching Kuroo? And most importantly – did Kuroo carry him to bed? What else did he do?

He felt a panic attack surge up inside of him and clenched his hands to fists.

Frantically searching for his cigarettes, he leapt up, his shaky hands ran over the table next to his bed, knocking off his glasses, an empty tequila bottle as well as a piece of paper that had not been there before.

Even though Kenma´s apartment was a mess, as well as his mind, he was still very observant and noticed small things like this. His panic forgotten for a moment, he picked up the paper with still shaking hands.

The writing was messy but still had a certain beauty in it.

`Kenma  
I left you some food in the fridge. I won´t be there for the following days because i have a job to do out of town. I brought you to bed last night but did not do anything else, I promise. I hope you had a good night´s sleep. Please take care of yourself, see you in two days.  
Kuroo´

Kenma stared at the paper with empty eyes, not knowing what to think. He kept rereading the words and then laid back onto his bed, staring at the ceiling.

He thought of Kuroo, carrying him to bed and to expected the oh-so-familiar crawling and itching of his skin followed by a wave of panic.

But his skin did not itch. And that scared Kenma more than any panic attack.  
~ Kuroo spend two days thinking of Kenma´s petite face squished into the pillows of the couch.

He could not forget the feeling of his small body in his arms, the feeling of holding something incredibly fragile.

And not even in a sexual way, just the warmth of his body, how close their hearts were to each other and to feel the soft, flat breath on his arms that made him feel goosebumps all over.

Still, he tried to hold back and to concentrate on work, because Yaku would not be happy if the customer would be any less than satisfied.

The client paid a lot since he had to travel for the tattoo and it was a full back piece. Kuroo would need a lot of his concentration.

He texted Kenma daily reminders to eat and hoped he would not come off as too annoying.

And he researched depression. Kuroo knew that it existed but he had not had much contact with it until now. He searched for the symptoms and found many of them appearing in Kenma.

As the internet page said, Kenma was sleeping a lot. He also had a lack of motivation to do anything, to stand up even. His slow movements and lack of appetite made a lot more sense now as well as his anxiousness around Kuroo.

He did not mind Kenma´s messiness but knowing that it was a symptom connected with the lack of motivation made him feel a little relieved.

Most websites wanted him to get a therapist for Kenma or even put him into a clinic. But Kuroo thought of this as a wrong first step, he would probably need to build trust to Kenma first.

He did not know if Kenma was aware of that but Kuroo also noticed that the long haired boy was trying to distance himself from him. He probably had no friends either. At least not anymore.

He sighed and crashed his face on the desk, feeling utterly helpless. Kenma was a complicated person and he just did not know how to act around him.

Kuroo did not do this because he felt sorry for Kenma, it just felt good to be in his presence, to watch him nap or to just help him out.

So maybe yes, it was selfish of Kuroo to help him. But both benefitted, right?

Kuroo closed his laptop and sighed. He desperately needed sleep. He could not sleep thinking about Kenma anyways so he needed to try to get all the sleep he could.

He snuggled himself into bed and stared at the ceiling. The picture of Kenma´s sleeping body was still burned into his mind and he smiled at the thought of seeing Kenma like this more often.

Open and vulnerable.

~ [TW su*cidal thoughts; start again at „But no,...“]

Kenma was crying.

It had been a while since he felt this low and he had not been able to cry for the past months.

When he was crying it was incredibly relieving. He was able to pour all his pain into it and make it leave his body.

The whole body was shaking in vein and his long sobs pierced through the silence.

He could not take the endless circle of pain anymore. Sure, there were times he felt well but for the most part of the year he was just vegitating alone in his room.

He thought about ending it more and more frequently.

For him there was no purpose to existing and he lost more and more money to existing because he lost his job to his depression too.

And on some days he just felt too tired to go on, too drained to stand up, make food.

Maybe he would just die of starvation or exhausting. Or lung cancer. Kenma chuckled in between sobs and lit another cigarette.

But no, he could not die of starvation, because now Kuroo prevented that.

Kuroo.

Kenma sighed and stared out into the dark sky from his balcony.

The tears on his cheeks had dried and he blew the smoke out into the night. He felt himself getting more and more attached to Kuroo and he tried to stop it but he could not.

The smoke lost itself in the stars and Kenma just hoped that Kuroo lost interest, like they all did.

Then he could just fade away with nobody noticing or being sad.

But right now he could not leave Kuroo, not only because it would pain him but also because he liked him. It was selfish but Kenma wanted him to stay in his life.

And when Kuroo saw all of his darkness, he would leave and then he could just fade away and it would not hurt anyone.

Kenma finished his cigarette and went inside.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Merry Christmas everyone ^^
> 
> I haven´t been updating because i was celebrating with my family but here´s an update for you.  
> If I won´t update before New Year´s i wish you a happy new year.
> 
> I hope you had nice Christmas :)

On his way back, Kuroo had been nervous the whole time. He was uneasy, shaking slightly and not able to sit still during the whole train ride and therefore probably a pain in the ass for the other passengers.

He wanted to see Kenma again but was afraid to make mistakes around him. After all he had read about depression and possible trigger points he knew how much he could do wrong.

But after all Kuroo was too excited to see his smaller, long-haired friend again to not meet him.

He got home to load his luggage off and immediately went to pick up food for Kenma.

Out of breath Kuroo arrived at Kenma´s apartment complex and hurried up the stairs. He rang the bell carefully and waited a while untile the door opened.

It really was Kenma who opened the door and smiled at him weakly. Kuroo´s heart skipped a few beats. This was the first time Kenma had opened the door for him.

„Hey“, he stuttered.

„I brought food“

Kenma opened the door further and let him in. „Thanks, Kuroo.“, he said quietly in a hoarse voice that had not been used for a longer amount of time.

„No problem.“, Kuroo grinned at him and thought his chest might explode. He was definitely falling for Kenma and there was no point in denying it anymore.

Kuroo was humming while preparing and warming up the food again and watched Kenma smoke a cigarette in his living room.

Somehow the boy had become a lot calmer when Kuroo was around. Had he realized something?

Kenma was just too exhausted to refuse anything from Kuroo. He smoked quietly, feeling Kuroo´s gaze on him from time to time.

After a while, the delicious smell of warm food covered the smell of cigarettes and Kenma felt his stomach rumble. He had not eaten in a while, sometimes he just forgot about it.

But he had always eaten the food Kuroo had brought him.

Today it tasted especially delicious. Kenma closed his eyes and felt the ramen melt in his mouth and the soup slightly burn his tongue.

He almost teared up of how good it tasted even though it was just simple ramen.

He looked up into Kuroo´s smiling face. For the first time he looked at the black haired boy more closely.

He noticed how narrow his hazel eyes got when smiling and how quickly his smile faded into a smirk that looked hot as well as very punchable on his face.

Kenma chuckled to himself. Kuroo really was the lottery win. And he was just another blank card, not deserving Kuroo.

He looked at the floor and suddenly wanted to vanish in his room and forget about Kuroo. But now that he talked to him, Kenma knew that Kuroo would not simply leave him alone like last time.

He sighed and lit another cigarette, only to look into the worried face of the beautiful tattoo artist.

Guilt swept over him in a wave and he avoided Kuroo´s gaze quickly.

Kuroo washed the dishes quietly and then sat down next to Kenma on the couch.

„Do you want to do anything?“, he asked and Kenma stared at him in shock.

Did he plan to stay even longer? And what did he want to do?

Kuroo must have read the panic in Kenma´s face and got red, suggesting to watch a movie or play a game.

Kenma just shrugged. „Anything is fine.“, answered briefly.

With his answer, the hazel eyes next to him lit up, excited to hear another verbal answer of the blonde boy.

„Ohh, we can watch my favourite movie.“, Kuroo smiled and started the TV.

Kenma chuckled and just let him do as he pleased.

Watching Kuroo rant about his favourite movie with eyes lit up and that oh-so-punchable smirk on his face made Kenma feel something deep inside.

And that made him feel uneasy. He was so used to feeling empty and numb that this soft flutter inside of him made him feel somewhat scared.

It felt like a butterfly spreading wings inside of his emotions that had been in cocoon before.

Like the lung of a smoker that could suddenly breathe.

But with the soft happiness Kuroo brought him, the incomparable pain came back as well and Kenma had to stop himself from sobbing.

Was he falling in love? Impossible, or was it? Or was it just another time that he grew too attached to a person?

´Focus on the movie, dumbass´, he told himself but his vision blurred while trying.

He felt sleep grabbing for his sleeves, pulling him over into its dark paradise. Kenma felt his body slouch against the couch and to the side.

He noticed his body falling into Kuroo´s direction and panicked. He could not sleep in against Kuroo, it would be a major embarassment.

But he could not move his body. Sleep had already taken it into its tight grip and he could not free himself.

Kuroo felt Kenma´s body slouch against him and saw him close his eyes. His heart fluttered and he smiled genuinely.

Kuroo paused the movie and got a blanket while trying not to move Kenma on his shoulder (it was a struggle, but luckily there was one laying next to the couch on the floor somewhere).

He covered Kenma in it and put his arm around the fragile figure that like smoke and some other scent he could not assign.

Watching Kenma like this in the white light of the TV it was obvious that he was not doing well. Dark eyebags build a huge contrast to his pale skin and it was obvious that he had been crying.

Kuroo wished he could help him.

Maybe he really was falling in love with Kozume Kenma.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again guys ^^  
> Thank you so much for all the support I feel really motivated just now.  
> Honestly, I am a go-with-the-flow kind of guy so I don´t know which direction this story will go but I am glad you like it.
> 
> I wish you all a nice day, I hope you have fun reading!

Kenma hated himself for sleeping in on Kuroo´s shoulder.

He had woken up in Kuroo´s arms and had distanced himself immediately. Kuroo was still vast asleep and Kenma chuckled, watching his relaxed features.

Every time that Kenma looked at the older one with his moody black hair and glistning hazel eyes he realizes once again how beautiful he was.

As if he forgot when he looked away and had to check to make sure Kuroo is not another illusion of his mind, too good to be true.

Not wanting to disturb Kuroo´s sleep, since it was still around 4am, Kenma went to his room. Thinking about how Kuroo had cleaned his whole apartment, he suddenly got the urge to tidy his room as well.

He never had any problems with his messy apartment before, but now that Kuroo was visiting so frequently, he was kind of embarassed that he was the one who had to clean it up every time.

After about half an hour Kenma found his laptop. It was still open, but the screen was black.

He unlocked it, curiously, revealing pages full of coding that he had written ages ago. Another wave of guilt filled his stomach and he closed the laptop as quickly as he had opened it. The reminder that he had not worked for half a year and still lived of the success of his second game made him feel uneasy.

He did not know how much money was left and to be honest, he did not really want to know. He was unsure how long was left for him to live off it but he also had not spend a lot of money in the past weeks because Kuroo had always paid for his food.

Another thing he felt incedibly guilty for. Kuroo kept spending money on him and he did not know how to pay him back.

He felt helpless. The thoughts were bubbling up in his throat again, suffocating him, making him choke on tears.

No-, he could not do this here, not with Kuroo in the living room, sound asleep.

Pushing his bad feelings away, he continued cleaning his room. When he felt them wanting to grab his hand again, he swallowed to wash the bitter feeling of guilt away.

He sat down on his bed and stared out of the window into the soft and mild morning. He was glad that Kuroo was back, knowing at the same time that he got more and more dependant on the black haired tattoo artist.

Although Kenma knew that he could not allow himself to grow any closer to Kuroo, he wanted to.

Really, he wanted to get to know him, find out what made him happy, wanted to trace Kuroo´s tattoos with his hands and ask about their meaning.

Still, the closer he got to Kuroo, the more pain he would feel when Kenma was gone. He could not promise to stay alive to anyone because he did not know what would happen to him and his life.

Kuroo heard shuffling in Kenma´s bedroom but decided not to disturb the smaller boy for now.

Whistling a song he heard in the radio this morning, the black-haired cleaned the dishes and finished cleaning cigarette buds from yesterday.

Kenma was smoking a lot.

He had noticed that earlier but now that he saw the finished cigarettes it became more apparent. They were scattered all over the apartment and even in the short time between waking up and now, there were already over ten new buds laying around.

But before fixing Kenma´s problems with drugs he needed to make sure the smaller was feeling better. Maybe get him therapy somehow?

Kuroo sighed and leaned against the kitchen counter, his forehead crashing against the cupboard.

Kenma just started speaking to him, only in few words and silent gazes, but Kuroo felt like Kenma would need therapy now more than ever. He knew instinctly that Kenma had not left the house while he was away and therefore had not eaten either.

Even though he did not know how bad it was for Kenma, he knew that depression could be related to suicide and he wanted to prevent that at all cost.

Anger was building up in his stomach as he stared at his hands, helplessly. Kenma did not deserve this, what did he do to feel like this.  
The world was just so endlessly unfair.

Kuroo wanted to punch something, anything, even if it was just a wall. He had not showered so he bottled his anger up and went to knock at Kenma´s room.

„I am going home to shower, alright?“

He heard a soft hum from inside.

„Should I come back later?“, he asked carefully, not wanting to intrude Kenma´s privacy.

It was silent for a while and Kuroo waited patiently for an answer. He felt Kenma hesitating and put his hand against the doorframe carefully.

After a while that seemed like forever, he heard Kenma´s silent voice answering, releasing a feeling, like cinnamon in december:

„Yes, please.“

It was soft, almost like a whisper but it was enough to make Kuroo´s heart flutter, like a butterfly spreading its wings into the first warm spring night.

Kuroo clasped his steering wheel in a tight grip while hurrying home. After having heard Kenma´s voice like that, all he wanted was to return to the blonde man as soon as possible.

Still, the city was packed with cars and it took Kuroo ages to get home.

His apartment had become foreign to him since he had not been in town for a while and had spent most of his time at Kenma´s even before his trip.

It was truly strange to come home to a clean apartment that was smelling like laundry detergent and soap instead of smoke and alcohol.

Kuroo collapsed on the floor, his back hurting from the unusual sleeping position on Kenma´s couch. He got up with tired eyes and dragged himself into the shower.

The exhaustion from the past week at Kenma´s was finally taking a toll.  
After showering he looked at himself in the mirror and sighed. He knew that taking care of Kenma was not good for his own health either but he could not stop himself from caring about the smaller.

Why did it have to be so complicated?

This time, he punched the wall of his bathroom, an angry growl escaping his lips. And again, again and again until his knuckles were tainted red and the pain overlaid the anger.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sincerely sorry.  
> Again, thanks for the support, I hope you enjoy the chapter (I suffered too, believe me!)
> 
> TW: substance abuse  
> If you don´t want to read it in detail please skip from the ***** on until they come for a second time

Chapter six

The unpleasant ringtone of his phone led to Kenma´s displeasing awakening. He had a slight headache and his back still ached from his previous sleeping position on Kuroos shoulder.

Kenma groaned and checked his text messages. Oikawa had texted him a while ago, and there was a text from Kuroo saying he would need a while longer because the traffic was not moving at all.

And another unread text.

Kenma dropped his phone as he saw the name. How did he get his number?

He thought he had left this part of his life, that involved him behind him. But there was his name above the text he had send him:  
´Kenma, can we meet up? I miss you.`

The blonde struggled to breathe and had to sit down again. Panic flooded his body and left him shaking, his hands desparately trying to hold onto something – anything really.

He felt like his body was floating underwater, he was holding his breath but did not know how long he was able to hold on without needing to gasp for air. The water was pressing on his body, making him feel captured like in a cage and the surface seemed so far away, like a light he would never be able to see.

Blood was rushing through his veins at an insane pace and he felt his heart struggling to keep up with it, the loud beat ringing in his heart. Kenma felt himself getting dizzy and laid back on the bed to calm down.

As soon as his back touched the sheets he passed out.

~

Kuroo was late. He had checked the clock several times and texted Kenma again but the cars in front of him just would not move.

Groaning in frustration, he leaned his head against the steering wheel. His hands still hurt a little from punching the wall but it was nothing next to the things Kenma was feeling every day.

Remembering his long hair spread out against Kuroo´s shoulder put a smile on the tattoo artist´s face. He was glad that Kenma trusted him enough to fall asleep next to him.

Finally, the grey mercedes in front of him moved and Kuroo left the highway to squeeze through the small streets around Kenma´s apartment building.

When he got to his home, the door was still unlocked how Kuroo left it. He opened it and held his breath.

Was the smell of cigarettes more dense than usual or was he just feeling like that because he had not been here for a few hours?

He closed the door behind him quietly and entered the living room. It was empty, and the smell got more intense and something else mixed into it. The pungent scent of alcohol. It almost made Kuroo throw up.

Fuck, Kuroo thought. How long had he been gone? Did something happen?

*****

He opened the door to the bedroom and stormed inside, finding Kenma passed out on the floor, inbetween three empty and one opened bottle of vodka. His skin was pale, bluish even and he breathed very slowly and irregularly.

„Fuck“, he muttered again through gritted teeth and checked Kenma´s pulse hastily. He put the bottles away quickly and lifted his fragile body into a stable lateral position. Kenma´s skin felt cold and clammy and worry flooded Kuroo´s body.

While doing that, his phone fell out of his hands onto the floor and the screen lit up. Kuroo did not want to look but his eyes read quicker than he could avert them.

Lee Jaewoo? A korean name? No – it was none of his business, Kuroo told himself and gritted his teeth. He did not know what to do, should he call an ambulance? Kenma probably would not want that – still, his pulse was weak and it was for his health.

He dialed 119 for an ambulance and waited.

“Hello, how can we help you?”

“Hi”, Kuroo stuttered. “I found my friend passed out in his apartment, his pulse is weak.”

“Okay, can you give us his and your name and adress? Do you know how he passed out?”

“He drank three bottles of high-percentage alcohol. My name is Kuroo Tetsuro and he is Kozume Kenma...”

*****

~

Since Kuroo was not allowed to ride the ambulance with Kenma, he drove to the hospital by himself.

He was sitting in the waiting area all by himself and stared at the opposite wall, nervously fidgeting with his fingers. Why did he have to leave? Why couldn´t he have been earlier? Kuroo buried his head in his hands and groaned.

The only thing he could do right now was hope and it drove him crazy.

~

“Are you waiting for Kozume Kenma?”, a voice asked and he shrieked up. A nurse had entered the room and looked at him. Kuroo nodded quickly and got up.

“We had to make him throw up a few times to get the alcohol out of his system. He is getting an infusion right now and just woke up. It is good that you called the ambulance, he might have suffered long-term damage or even died if you did not. When visiting, please look out for him, he is still drunk.”

Kuroo nodded understandingly, glad to hear that Kenma was alright and entered the room, the nurse showed him.

Kenma looked terrible. His skin was still paler than usual and contrasted with the darkened circles under his eyes. His eyes moved slowly to focus on Kuroo and he looked truly unhappy.

“Kenma-”, Kuroo started but was interrupted by a hollow, quiet voice that was filled with ironclad, cold hatred.

“I hate you.”

The fact that Kenma only spoke, when he needed to and therefore always said was he was truly thinking did not make it hurt less.

Kuroo felt himself break on the inside and just stared at Kenma without saying a word, his eyes loosing the focus on the other´s face.

The emotion was gushing up inside of him, filling him fully with things he could not describe, anger, frustration but most of all just sadness.

And then it spilled over and Kuroo sank on his knees, right in front of Kenma, and started to cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> for those who skipped:  
> Kuroo read the text message Kenma got from the mysterious HIM, and we found out his name: Lee Jaewoo, a korean name
> 
> For everyone else: Have a nice day and take care of yourself!


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> helloooo yes update is a little earlier than usual anddd there might be some mistakes i have written it in a haze and will read over it tomorrow, just wanted to feed you after that cliffhanger yesterday.  
> i love you all, take caree

Kenma had woken up from his desperate need of air. The smell of disinfectant was omnipresent and made him choke. He tasted alcohol and vomit on his tongue and opened his eyes forcefully.

The bright light burned into his head and he felt his skull booming from the sudden impulses. Kenma groaned softly and looked around.

He laid in a hospital bed, the curtains open, letting soft sunlight illuminate the room. Kenma knew this view too good. He had been in this hospital several times and each time he had hated it.

Someone entered the room and he looked at the doctor entering with an annoying gaze. It was even the same one that had been in charge of him last time.

“Hello Kenma. I´d say it was nice meeting you again, but not under these circumstances, I guess.”

Kenma averted his gaze. He really did not want to deal with Dr. Iwaizumi right now.

“How are you feeling?”

Kenma did not answer.

“Fine, if you want to do it this way, please fill out this sheet for me, there will be nurses checking on you regularly and you will have to see a therapist again.”

Groaning inside, Kenma stared out of the window stubbornly. He hated being in hospitals.

But maybe he could use this situation for something.

~

Kuroo had fucked up. Majorly.

He knew the stuff with Kenma had been bothering him but he did not know how rough it had been to his emotions and how easily he was triggered.

But it made a lot of sense thinking about it, since he depended his life on Kenma. He had been checking on him almost every day and now, that he had saved Kenma´s life, calling the ambulance, the latter hated him.

But what else could he have done? Kenma could have died.

He was sitting on a chair in front of Kenma´s room and had buried his head in his hands. After his meltdown in front of the younger boy, he had to leave his room.

Kuroo remembered being dragged out of the room and Kenma´s harsh, empty eyes staring at him unbelieving but still triumphantly.

And then, Kuroo realized. Kenma had wanted to push him away all along, didn´t he? Maybe he was using this as a reason to justify his hatred towards Kuroo.

“Can I enter his room again?”, Kuroo asked the next nurse that came to check on Kenma.

She looked at him, searching his eyes for his intention. “If you can not break down in his hospital room, yes. But if he does not want to talk with you or his health worsens you have to leave.”

Kuroo nodded eagerly and stood up, feeling new motivation fill him. He needed to help Kenma.

~

Kenma had almost felt bad after he made Kuroo cry. It had been too easy. Did he like Kenma that much or was Kenma just straining him so much, that he was so easy to break?

Seeing Kuroo cry like that had made something ache inside of him. It was such an honest, brutal cry of pain that it had made Kenma´s surface his feelings for a mere second.

He would never be able to forget his broken face, ugly tears streaming down his reddened cheeks, covering his face in salt and pain. And the worst thing was knowing that he did this. He made Kuroo feel like this. But it´s for the better, this way he won´t feel more pain later.

The door opened again and freed Kenma of the painful memory.

The nurse came in and behind her – Kuroo. He looked perfectly calm – completely different than he had before – and it was scary.

The nurse checked on him and then left them alone, sending a last distrustful gaze towards Kuroo.

“Kenma, I know you probably hate me, but I had no choice! You could have died if I did not call the ambulance.”

Yes, Kenma knew that. He knew all of that but still, he needed to safe Kuroo from being hurt by him again.

“Kenma, this is stupid, come on. I know you want to protect me or some stupid stuff like that but I can protect myself very well.”

“Yeah, I´ve seen that.”, Kenma said smirking a smirk that did not reach his eyes, referring to Kuroo´s meltdown.

Kuroo blushed and stared at him angrily. “Listen”, he said, now in a more serious tone. “I won´t leave you in a situation like this, okay? I am no asshole and you have grown really important to me.”

He stopped shortly. “Kenma, I really like you.” The words just broke out of his heart and slipped over his tongue. “I want to help you but I really don´t know how. But I can learn, okay? I will not leave you, no matter how mean you are to me.”

Kenma stared at him, unbelieving, his eyes wide open. “Kuroo-”

Then, the door opened again and both of their heads turned at once.

“Heard you were in the hospital again. What did you do this time, fucking dumbass?”

Kenma teared up. “Oikawa?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for checking out my story. I will not update on the 31st soo I wish all of you a happy new year and hope 2021 will be a little more friendly to you.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for not updating this long life has kinda been rough. I hope you all had a nice start into the new year, I surely did not but it´s okay ^^
> 
> Just a lot of people started dying lately idk what´s up with the world.  
> I can cope though please don´t worry about me, and now finally, the chapterrrr
> 
> Kiss kiss, fall in loveee  
> Enjoyy

Kuroo watched the man who just had entered the door intensely. He had soft hair that curled slightly and a constant smile on his lips. 

“My Name is Oikawa Tooru, it´s nice to meet you,”, he introduced himself politely.

“Kuroo Tetsuro.”, Kuroo answered shortly and exchanged a glance with Kenma. He seemed a bit shaken, like he did not expect Oikawa to turn up.

“Honestly, Kenma. I was really angry at you for quite a while, but then I decided it was not worth it. I know why you were doing this and it does not work, apparently has not worked on Kuroo either from what I was hearing just now.”

Kuroo blushed and stared at the floor intensely. Kenma also looked a little embarassed, but still, mostly surprised.

“But to be honest, until now I was too much of a coward to face you again, too scared of not being able to handle it becoming bad again. Thanks for giving me an opportunity.” Oikawa smiled again.

Kuroo was too shook by the situation to say anything, really. He stared at Oikawa, then Kenma, and Oikawa again. Who was this man?

Kenma, realizing his confusion, sighed and explained. “Kuroo, this is Oikawa my ex-best friend.”

Oikawa pouted: “Best friend, I presume. Since I am now back from the dead.”

The annoyed groan Kenma uttered was long and tired.

“Great, now there´s two of you and you will team up against me.”

Oikawa smirked and locked eyes with Kuroo. “Oh, you bet we will.” Then he continued, whispering: “Can we talk in private for a while?”

Kuroo nodded and both left Kenma with some stupid apologies.

“I am sorry it took me so long to show up”, Oikawa started and Kuroo wanted to say something, but the curly-haired stopped him. “No, it really is my fault. I have been friends with Kenma for a while and knew how he was doing. Still, I was fooled by his attempts to push me away and felt really hurt by something he said to me.”

“It´s okay.”, Kuroo answered. “To be honest, I almost fell for it too just today.”

Oikawa smiled. “I am glad then. However, do you know how we can help him? He rejected therapists and medication up until now.”

A sigh escaped from Kuroo´s lips. “Even though I did all his tattoos and know their meaning, I feel like I don´t know Kenma at all. I have no clue how to help him.”

A desperate smile laid on Oikawa´s lips. “I get it. He opens up really slowly and honestly, I am glad that he has not managed to push you away yet. People are really hard for him.”

“I can tell.”, Kuroo chuckled softly, worry coloured his voice.

“Well, I can not tell you anything about his past, he has to do this himself. I am just glad-” Oikawa averted his gaze for a second. “I am glad you were there for him the past time. Honestly, thank you. Without you, he might be dead already. I know, caring for him is a huge burden, but it is worth it. You will be rewarded, he will open up some day.”

The tattoo artists looked at Oikawa and nodded. “I would have stayed with him nonetheless. I could never abandon him now.”

“You like him, don´t you? I accidentally overheard the last part of your conversation and you seem like an honest man.”

Kuroo nodded and looked at the floor, teeth clenched. “Not being able to help him is really hard on me.”, he sighed and thought of Kenma´s cold body inbetween the alcohol bottles, his lifeless gazes into the air when he zoned out and thought Kuroo would not notice. “It is just really hard to see him suffer like this every day.”

And agreeing nod came from Oikawa. “It is hard, on all of us. I also have been really moody in the last time, overwhelmed by worry and treated my partner really shitty.”

Oikawa gulped, when he remembered the hurt look on Iwaizumi´s face as his temper had overwhelmed him. It pained him every time he accidentally hurt his Iwa-Chan.

“We just have to keep trying. We need to show Kenma that we are here for him and we care, and maybe he just has not met the right therapist yet.”

Kuroo nodded, agreeing.

~

Kenma knew they were talking about him. Still, he could care less, he first needed to process what Kuroo had just told him.

“Kenma, I really like you.” The words echoed in his head. Kuroo liked him? Sure he did, he went on dates with him and still cared after seeing Kenma weak like that.

But still, did he really like him like that? Kenma was unsure and for a short time, only the blink of an eye, he felt something that was not pain or emptiness.

The beating of his heart.

A soft flutter in his stomach.

But then, the pain returned and Kenma closed his eyes, tasting bitter disappointment on his tongue. Who was he to love Kuroo anyways? As if he deserved the sweet, talented artist who did everything for him. What had he done for Kuroo anyways? Broke his heart? Made him have a mental breakdown after he had found Kenma unconscious, overdosed on alcohol. Taking all his time away as well as his money.

Kenma groaned and buried his head in the pillow, his hair falling into his face.

After all, he knew that Kuroo was still a light point in his life and now that he had teamed up with Oikawa it would be even harder to escape their caring eyes.

It still made him smile. Oikawa was not that easy to push away after all. Kenma was kind of glad that he had come back. He knew more about Kenma than anyone and knew how to help him. With his help, he might manage.

He might even tell Kuroo about everything. One day, when he can gather all his strength. He might even tell Kuroo the truth about some of his tattoos. But for now, he just wanted to rest and play videogames.

Since he could not do that, he just started thinking about Kuroo´s tattoos. They were engraved into his brain and he could not stop thinking about their meaning. He knew that tattoos were something that had meaning, Kuroo would not tattoo something as a joke.

He thought about the colourful dragon that wriggled around his arm, with shimmering scales and dark eyelashes around his big, soft eyes. He wondered about that moth that covered Kuroo´s neck and the hyphen on his wrist.

He wondered if Kuroo would tell him one day, if he would let him touch the ink on his skin, trace the lines with his finger and then kiss them softly.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome back my fellow Kuroken folk.   
> For this chapter pls note another TW for toxic relationship, ab-se and r-pe, i have also noted it in the corresponding passage.
> 
> Please take care and have a great day! Thanks for the support!!

Returning to his house was strange after the strangely precise cleanliness of the hospital. Kuroo had cleaned it thoroughly but it the faint smell of cigarette was still in the air.

Kenma stared at the table and sighed. After all that trouble he almost had forgotten the text that had led to this incident. Jaewoo was a name that he did not want to read ever again.

He wanted to meet up. Kenma shook his head to get rid of the memory but the words were burnt into his brain.

Fuck, was he really broken that easily? A fucking text message, really Kenma? He felt like a coward for collapsing at the bare thought of his name.

Oikawa had left earlier and Kuroo was entering the living room with two cups of tea. It smelled like green leaves and apple pie and Kenma just breathed in and felt his whole body relax and his breath slow down.

He had been on the verge of a panic attack once again, and he knew that Kuroo noticed. Just by the way his hazel eyes crossed his face and his eyebrows puckered.

The tea tasted exactly what it smelled like and Kenma closed his eyes to feel the taste melt on his tongue and slowly fade away.

Suddenly, he felt the urge to talk. The urge to tell Kuroo everything, to make the words spill over, to make him understand.

To make him stay.

He placed the tea cup in his hands and gave in.  
“Kuroo. I´d like to tell you something”

Kuroo nodded understandingly, his hand softly touching Kenma´s shoulder to comfort him. “I won´t force you. You don´t have to do this, alright?”, he said sternly and Kenma smiled weakly.

“I want to. I need to let it out.”

********TW Toxic relationship including ab-se*********

“I have always been a person that spends too much time in his head. I tended to overthink little things and to care about small details.

Still, it has not been as bad as it is now.

About two years ago, when I was 23, I met a very sweet person and fell in love. He was amazing, I am sorry I cannot say his name yet, it lays to hard on my chest.”

Kuroo smiled encouraging and caressed his shoulder. Kenma felt warmth flooding his body. He took a deep breath and continued.

“He was amazing, we had many super romantic dates and he seemed just so perfect. But the longer we dated, the moodier he got. We did not go on dates anymore, he did not even kiss me when I came home. We only had sex. Sometimes he vanished for days-”

A choked sob escaped Kenma´s lips. He did not notice that he had started crying. Kuroo moved in for a hug and stopped for a moment, checking if Kenma wanted it. That made the smaller wail even more, Kuroo was so thoughtful, he did not deserve him.

His arms enclosed Kenma´s body and he felt safe – the embrace just felt warm and tingly.

“So he-”, Kenma sniffled and took another deep breath. “He started getting mad at me when I wanted to kiss him, cuddle or even hold hands. So I avoided coming home. But he got even angrier when I did it until one day he-” Kenma winced and felt Kuroo´s embrace getting tighter. “punched me.”

Kuroo´s jawline hardened visibly as he clenched his teeth, deperately trying to hide his anger. But Kenma saw it and smiled.

“He started beating me up on a regular basis, threatening to publish pictures he had taken of me while we had sex and were still a very normal, happy couple. I couldn´t do anything and developed an intuitive fear of him. Of course, I could not enjoy sex anymore and spend every moment we lived together in constant fear.”

Tears were dwelling in Kuroo´s eyes. He could not believe that cruel human like this existed and why they would do something like this to Kenma. Precious Kenma. A huge instinct to protect the smaller man boiled up inside of Kuroo. He wanted to hold him and never let go.

“And then he started raping me.”

Anger exploded inside Kuroo´s stomach. He just wanted to punch that guy, hit him into the face until there was nothing for Kenma to be afraid anymore.

“And he told me-” Kenma had to stop to wipe his tears. “that nobody would ever want to be with romantically. That nobody would ever be interested in beyond just fucking me.”, he stuttered, his words slurred by tears and sobs. These words had burnt themselves into Kenma´s memory.

******TW END from here on only hurt n comfort ******

Kuroo felt his heart ache at the sight of the blonde boy. He was just laying in his arms, sobbing into his shirt, his small body shaking intensely and Kuroo saw the giant scar this man had left on Kenma´s heart.

He would never forget the look in Kenma´s eyes on that day and he would never forgive that man for what he did.

But for now, he only supported Kenma in a warm embrace, softly stroking his back and his hair.

“Thank you for telling and trusting me Kenma.”, he said carefully, slowly searching for appropriate wording. “I would never use you for sex or anything, I promise. I will stay with you through all this and you don´t need to give me anything, I don´t need anything from you. I really care for you, hm?”

Kuroo almost did not notice the soft nod and smiled as Kenma curled up against him.

He slowly watched the smaller, tattooed boy fall asleep in his arms and felt his heart pound hard in his chest. God, how thankful he was for meeting Kenma.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After the last one this chapter is just pure fluff.  
> Enjoy ^^
> 
> Thank you for the continuous support, I love y´all!!

The smell of tea and omelet was Kenma´s wake up call. He sighed and snuggled a bit deeper into the blanket, watching Kuroo cook from the couch. He really did tell him, huh.

It had just been incredibly relieving, it was like he could finally breathe after being trapped under water for too long. He was aware that there was much more Kuroo did not know about him. Still, knowing that he accepted Kenma like this – the broken parts of him – was like a weight that was lifted off his shoulders.

Kuroo came over with breakfast and smiled as he saw Kenma was awake. He looked adorable in pajamas with bed hair. His gaze on Kenma showed pure affection and they silently ate together.

It was a comfortable silence, both parts just enjoyed their food and the presence of the other.

“Wanna do something today?”; Kuroo asked.

“What did you have in mind?”, the blonde asked softly and saw Kuroo´s face light up at his response.

Seeing reactions like this made him realize how much he had pushed Kuroo away. Still, the tattoo artist had not left his side and knowing that made Kenma suddenly aware of his heavy, fast heart beat.

“I was thinking to maybe just go out for a walk? It snowed yesterday and I know you don´t like people that much so we could just go to the park or something.”

“Sure”

If possible, Kenma´s heartbeat accelerated even more as he saw Kuroo break into a huge, pure smile. “I am going to beat you in a snowball fight!”

Kenma smiled: “Bet you won´t!”

Both broke into laughter and hurriedly put on coats to get going. It had been a while since Kenma´s apartment was filled with laughter and Kenma felt sudden happiness bubble up inside him, so much it almost hurt. It was like his feelings were trying to make up for the time he spend in depression.

And at that point Kenma decided that he would not let Kuroo go. He would hold on to him as much as he could, because he had fallen in love with Kuroo.

~

The snow completely covered the grass and the paths in the park and after walking a few meters, Kuroo picked up some of it to form a ball. But Kenma was prepared and hit Kuroo right on the chest before he could even through.

“Oh, you are dead serious, huh?”, Kuroo chuckled at the sight of Kenma, holding two snowballs in his hand, ready to strike at any time.

Another one hit him in the shoulder and Kuroo pretended to hurt, falling to his knees dramatically.

But as soon as he fell to the ground, he got up and leaped towards Kenma to smash the snow on his head. Then, he ran away, laughing maniacally as Kenma chased him, swearing that he´d hit Kuroo´s face next time.

After a hectic exchange of cold snow into each others faces, both sat down, panting but laughing. Kuroo noticed the soft smile on Kenma´s lips as sweat dripped down his cheek.

Just seeing Kenma smile like that made him feel whole. Kuroo did not need anything else than him and Kenma smiling like this. He could be captured in a room between time and space forever, if he´d see that smile there on his lips he would go voluntarily.

His heart hammered inside of him and he looked at that fragile porcelain face, knowing he would never let Kenma go. He would hold on to him with all that he had.

“Thanks Kuroo.”, Kenma said quietly. “I really appreciate everything you do for me.”

Kuroo breathed in in one sharp breath. “Just to make it clear, Kenma. I am doing all of this because I want to. You don´t have to pay me anything back except maybe in smiles...or dates.”, he grinned. “I just care a lot for you and want you to get better, okay?”

Kenma looked a bit taken aback by Kuroo´s outburst but nodded quietly. “Still. Without you-”, he does not finish the sentence.

Kuroo observed quietly as Kenma watched his breath vanishing into the cold winter air and his gaze fell onto the other´s lips. He couldn´t – not now after Kenma had shared his story.

Still, his want to connect his lips to Kenma made his heart accelerate to an enormous tempo.

“Kenma”, his voice sounded raspy and wavered a little. Still, Kenma looked at Kuroo and same knew that he could not hold back now, that their eyes connected. Not anymore.

“Can I kiss you?”

The words had flown over his lips before he knew it, he got so impulsive around Kenma, it was scary.

The eyes of the smaller boy had grown big as he looked at Kuroo, a mixture of fear and want storming inside him as he debated whether or not to give in.

His eyes wandered to Kuroo´s lips, and back to Kuroo´s eyes, seeing the same storming debate inside his soul.

“Yes”

It was almost a whisper but it was enough for Kuroo, he leaned in and cupped Kenma´s cheek gently, admiring the softness of his skin and slowly brought his face closer and closer, leaving space for Kenma to stop him.

But Kenma just closed his eyes, trusting Kuroo thoroughly.

And then their lips clashed and their breaths connected. Kenma closed his eyes and let himself fall into Kuroo, holding on to his shoulders for dear life.

Kuroo had said that he would do anything to see Kenma smile forever, right? He said it was the only thing he needed. Well he had been wrong. As soon as he felt the weight of Kenma´s lips against his, he knew that he needed this like air for breathing.

His sweet lips were intoxicating and Kuroo could not get enough of it. Still, he pulled away after a few seconds to ensure Kenma was okay.

The blonde haired boy looked up at him with flushed cheeks and pulled Kuroo into another kiss.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am SO sorry i might have fallen into a pattern of procrastination, I also need to finish my art portfolio for my application to study arts and character design.
> 
> Life is just a lil stressful rn haha, but I promise I am taking care!
> 
> You all too, I love you, thanks for the feedback, please take care <3

“You KISSED?”, Oikawa almost screamed and Kenma averted his gaze shyly and inhaled the smoke of the cigarette he had just lighted.

“Jeez, Kenma. I know, you´re a chainsmoker put could you at least hold back when others are around you?”, Oikawa complained playfully.

Kenma knew that Oikawa hated his smoking habits and they previously had much more serious conversations and even arguments about this. But he had no energy to say anything and just extinguished the cigarette in an ashtray. He´d finish it later.

“Well, do you like him?”, Oikawa asked. Kenma looked at him, wordless, speechless and did not know what to say. He had spend most of the past months, feeling nothing, even when around Kuroo.

But he remembered too well, the moment when Kuroo had sparked blinks of happiness inside his heart.

And Kenma knew he wanted to stay with Kuroo, even though it was incredibly selfish of him and truly straining for Kuroo to bear with.

So he nodded, blushing. Oikawa clapped his hands, smiling mischievously and Kenma knew what he was up to. “Oikawa- please just let me do this on my own. Just this once.”, he pleaded.

Even though Kenma knew that the older only meant well by trying to get them together, he needed to do this at his own pace.

And he hoped Oikawa saw that. His eyes looked up at the curly-haired, pleading, and Oikawa finally nodded.

“I can´t help but feel like I should help you out, Kenma.”, he said. “I see how comfortable you are with him. Still, I know that this time you two would last longer if I don´t intervene.”

Kenma could just agree.

~

When Kuroo entered the apartment, there was a different smell lingering in the air.

It was not smoke, no, it was much more sweet and earthy. Kuroo knew the smell but still could not tell what it was.

He entered further and set down the groceries he got for Kenma as soon as he saw the smaller boy on the couch, with a cigarette in hand that exuded the same herbal smell that he had smelled while entering, but much stronger.

And Kenma was crying, tears bubbling from his eyes while cuddling a pillow on his lap. His phone was laying on the floor, unlocked and tinting Kenma´s face in its hard, blue, electronic light.

Kenma was no ugly crier, his face was still expressionless, carved in marble, and the tears just wet his face and coloured his eyes red. Even in so much pain, Kenma was the most beautiful person Kuroo had ever seen.

And now, finally, Kuroo rushed to Kenma´s side, hesitating for Kenma´s allowance and then pulling him into a soft, long hug.

Both of them just sat there, embracing each others, Kenma´s face buried in Kuroos shoulder, softly sobbing. And with every sob Kuroo pulled Kenma closer and softly caressed his back.

After quite a while, Kenma broke the embrace and looked at Kuroo. And finally, the tattoo artist noticed and put it together. Kenma´s pupils were unnaturally wide and his gaze was dazed. And the earthly scent. Weed.

“Kenma, is that a joint?”, Kuroo asked carefully and Kenma nodded, not being able to hold any information from him no longer.

Shit, Kuroo thought. It must be the second already since Kenma just started smoking it and was already so far gone.

“I´m sorry Kuroo, I am always so disappointing to you”, Kenma mumbled and buried his face in the black haired´s T-shirt.

Shock and Pain spread over Kuroo´s face, just for a split second, but Kenma saw it. He was hurting him.

“You are not, Kenma.”, Kuroo grabbed him by the shoulders. “You are an amazing person who just has an incredibly complex mind. Please don´t think you´re worth less because you feel unhappy. It´s not you fucking fault.”

Kenma shrieked at the swear word but still felt his heart hammering against his ribcage. Why did Kuroo have such an immediate affect on him? He hated being vulnerable.

But around Kuroo, it just felt too good to trust him.

“Kuroo”, he barely whispered. “I texted Jaewoo.”  
Kuroo´s heart skipped a beat. The name on Kenma´s phone. Was that his ex boyfriend?

A choked sob escaped Kenma´s lips. “He texted me when I- overdosed. He wants to meet up and says he misses me. I couldn´t help it, I was high and answered him.”

Kuroo hugged Kenma again, softly this time and locked eyes. “It´s okay, happens to the best.”, he said, smiling weakly. 

This made Kenma cry even harder. He could only stutter apologies between sobs and Kuroo sat there, in front of him, helpless. 

Then, he slowly leaned in and cupped Kenma´s face in his hands. And to Kenma´s – and probably also his own – surprise, he leaned in further and kissed the tears on the smaller´s cheeks, tasting their salt on his lips. 

“Kenma”, he mumbled lowly, inbetween kisses, light as feathers. “Don´t ever apologize for something that is not your fault. I don´t blame you for anything you did, heck-”, a small laughter escaped his lips. “I´d probably do the same.”

Kenma looked at him with big eyes. Never before had anyone treated him like this. So fragile and precious, yet he felt strong and a small smile build on his lips.

Kuroo grinned happily and embraced him in a hug again, placing his head atop of Kenma´s head.

“By the way-”, Kuroo started and Kenma felt his voice ring through his head. “Did he answer anything?”

Kenma froze and remembered. “Fuck”, he muttered. Kuroo laughed dryly. “So bad?”

“Yeah”

Kenma got out of the hug and picked up his phone. “He wanted to come over.”

Kuroo, too, froze in place. “Well, fuck does capture it quite bad.” He saw panic spreading over Kenma´s face and quickly rushed to his side. “Hey, hey, I´m here okay? I won´t let him hurt you. Heck, I might even accidentally smash his face.”

A distressed laugh escaped Kenma´s lips and for now, he just held onto Kuroo, not wanting the moment to end but still expecting the doorbell to ring any moment.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here we go we back agaain.
> 
> There´s gonna be some drama in this chapter and I am sorry to everyone named Jaewoo this was not my intention.
> 
> Alsoo TW slight mention of Kenma´s trauma, I will warn you again during the chapter.
> 
> Take care and have an awesome dayyy I love youu!!

And the doorbell rang too soon. It echoed painfully in Kenma´s ears and he felt Kuroo breaking the embrace around him.

“Want me to open it?”

An energetic nodding by Kenma made him get up. Kenma followed, hiding behind Kuroo´s broad shoulders.

The door opened.

In the doorframe stood a man, a little bit smaller then Kuroo yet still intimidating. His black hair had grown into a mullet and he eyed Kuroo suspiciously. “Who are you?”

“How is that of your business?”, Kuroo asked back immediately in a cold tone that is foreign to Kenma. Never before had his tone been so harsh when talking to the blonde boy.

“You´re hanging out with my boyfriend after all.”, Jaewoo answered, eyes focusing on Kenma´s face that shrieked in fear and anger. 

“Exboyfriend”, Kuroo corrected in an icy voice. Kenma suddenly felt cold and shuddered, hoping Kuroo would never talk to him like that.

An uneasy grin spread over Jaewoo´s face. “So he told you. Has he also told you how he treated me? How that manipulative little shit broke my heart?”

Kuroo felt Kenma shake behind him and surpressed the need to punch Kenma´s ex.

“I gave him everything and he just threw it away. He broke me.” Tears filled Jaewoo´s eyes and for a split second Kenma felt guilty. After all, he had broken up with him.

Then, he felt Kuroo´s hand in his and calmed immediately, remembering the horrible things Jaewoo had done. And his guilttrips were quite familiar to him – why hadn´t he been able to remember?

“You broke him, Jaewoo.”, Kuroo said. “He has severe trauma, he is constantly chainsmoking, he tried to overdose, he is not leaving the house nor eating. Don´t portray yourself as the fucking victim.”

Kenma shuddered, suddenly realizing how much Kuroo had already seen of him.

“So what? Are you his boyfriend or something? What do you know?”, Jaewoo spitted. “At least let me talk to him.” 

Broad shoulders blocked Jaewoo from seeing Kenma´s small figure, but Kenma made a decision. He pressed Kuroo´s hand and made a step forward to look Jaewoo in the eyes.

“Kenma”, he cried out. “I missed you so much, you´re beautiful...God, what has he done to you?” Jaewoo rambled on and on, trying to get closer to Kenma.

But the blonde raised his voice and said in a tone, so cold, it made both of the other boys freeze in their steps. “Enough. You have done this to me and you know that exactly.”

Jaewoo opened his mouth to speak, but Kenma interrupted him again. “You´re the reason why I push people away. I can´t kiss anyone without thinking of your hungry lips, only taking, only claiming what is apparently yours. I can´t get out, knowing people may look at me, seeing the same lecherous gaze in their eyes that I saw in yours.  
I will never be able to forget. Kuroo helped me to survive, but now I need to start living. And to achieve that, you need to be pushed out of my life. Goodbye, Jaewoo. Don´t ever contact me again.”

It was obvious, that Kenma´s words had been like a punch in the face for the black haired man. Kenma knew that he had expected him to come back, crawling, like the last times. But he was stronger than that now.

*****TW: slight mentions of r-pe & su-cide*****

“Fine”, Jaewoo spitted. “I hated you anyways. The way your body squirmed as you tried to get away from me. The longer we were together the uglier you became. Your sparkling gaze melting into dullness and your happiness into fear. You were good for just fucking after a-”

The whole time, Kuroo had listened patiently but this was enough. His gaze had intensified and now he glared at Jaewoo, eyes filled with ember or rage. “Get out.”

The words were spoken quite calmly but the wavering threat was so obvious, that even Kenma shook a little, even if he knew the words weren´t meant for him.

But Jaewoo raged on: “And you´re honestly the most ridiculous figure I have ever seen. Trying to protect this broken slut. He should really kill himself, there is nothing left for him here.”

***end TW***

That broke Kuroo. The emotions in the room had cooked up in an insane heat, Kuroo´s fiery anger, Kenma, crying behind him and Jaewoo, reeking of fear and anger.

The fist was well placed and hit Jaewoo right in the face without breaking anything. “If you insult Kenma one more time, I will not hesitate to kill you.”, Kuroo said calmly, smirking viciously.

Jaewoo held his eye, wincing in pain and finally took a few steps back. Kuroo´s punches were painful and he could still feel the pain echoing inside his head.

Then, he turned and left the house.

And Kenma broke down, sobbing into Kuroo´s shirt. “Kenma”, Kuroo muttered under his breath. “Kenma, please don´t listen to him. You´re beautiful, okay? You are amazing, please keep holding on.”

The smaller wanted to hide his face in Kuroo´s chest forever, but the tattoo artist cupped it in his hands and pecked Kenma on the lips.

“I am so proud of you, you did so well.”, he mumbled, smiling. 

“K-kuroo-”, Kenma stuttered. 

“I love you.”

“Oh Kenma”, the older smiled and embraced him closely. “Kenma, I love you so much. I love you Kenma, you´re beautiful-”

And the sat on the floor for hours, Kenma floating in Kuroo´s arms, his deep voice carrying him far and high, mumbling sweet nothing with repeated “I love you”´s and just his name.

Kenma loved the way his name sounded out of Kuroo´s mouth. He said it carefully, like a special artifact or like a really beautiful artwork. When saying his name, Kuroo poured all his love in it and Kenma overflowed with it.

Through Kuroo, he might learn to love himself.

He buried his face deeper into Kuroo´s shirt, inhaling his scent like the cigarettes he smoked every day. And then, Kenma drifted into sleep.


	13. Chapter 13

“About time you turn up.”, Yaku complained. “Customers already started asking if you quit. Because it´s that obvious that I´d never kick you out.”

Kuroo laughed and pet Yaku´s shoulders. “Thanks for granting me the few days off.”, he said politely and Yaku only grumbled. “What was so important to go after anyways?”

The black haired disinfected his tattoo machine and smiled to himself. “Well, you remember Kenma, right?”

“Sure”, the small tattoo artist nodded and greeted a young lady who entered. “You went on a few dates, eh? Has it finally worked out?”

Kuroo smirked. “Kind of? It isn´t anything official, but-” “Spill”, Yaku grinned. “I have to tattoo Nee-san though.”, Kuroo complained but was interrupted by the blonde woman.

“Hell, I want to know about your love life too. I have ranted to you enough during sessions, now it´s your turn.” 

At this point it was just useless to protest so he just started from the beginning. From the broken light bulb he had tattooed on Kenma´s ankle (“Cutee”, Saeko giggled) to the giant galaxy that covered Kenma´s entire sleeve and had been a lot of black work.

He let his heart bleed through his mouth, while he finished the dragon that wind around Saeko´s arm. Of course Kuroo noticed the worried gazes Yaku and Saeko exchanged as well as the shock on their faces when he came to the overdose and to that bastard of Ex boyfriend.

As he finished, he smiled softly and started adding highlights to scales on Saeko´s bicep. “Kuroo.”, she said and her voice wavered.

“Goddammit you really fell in love with the most fucked up of them all. That must have been so hard, not only for him but for you as well. I wish you two all the luck.”

Kuroo smiled softly. “Thank you, Nee-san.” 

“Jeez, all my ranting and crying about tiny problems seems really stupid now.”, she sighed but Kuroo assured her plenty of times that it was fine.

Yaku watched them and looked at the fellow tattoo artist. Saeko was right, this must have taken a toll on him. The slight bags under his eyes as well as the exhaustion in his eyes were clearly visible.

But Yaku also saw that Kenma made him happy. Kuroo´s tattoo designs had been especially detailed and his eyes glistened with a look that had not been there before. 

And he could not take that from him, even if Kenma destroyed him, Yaku knew that Kuroo would hold on. He also knew that it would kill Kenma if Kuroo left now.

Still, he was worried. Of course, Kuroo was his best friend and his best employee.

Yaku turned around and started to look through the appointments for today

~

The empty screen stared at him, almost reproachfully, as he slid his finger over the keyboard. Kenma was brainstorming for his next game. He thought of an indie mobile game in 2D so it would be easier to program than his last one.

Still, he had no idea what it could be about. Too many contents filled his head, his mind kept drifting too Kuroo. The feeling of their lips connecting was still present in Kenma´s head but he missed it nevertheless.

Then, an idea flashed his mind and he started typing eagerly. Maybe, if he hurried, he´d be able to start programming already. Now, that Kenma had an idea, he wanted to implement it as soon as possible.

As the door opened, Kenma shrieked up and looked at the time. He had been working for four hours straight. “Kenma? What are you doing?”, Kuroo grinned as he entered the living room

Eternal confusion washed over his face as he watched the screen, full of coding. “What the fuck?” 

Kenma giggled (so adorably Kuroo had to breathe a few times to calm his hammering heart) and closed the laptop after saving the file.

“I am actually a game programmer, but I didn´t finish a game in quite a while and am still living off my last.”, he explained and watched Kuroo´s eyes grow in awe.

“Whoa Kenmaa why didn´t I know this? That´s supercool!! Can I see what you´re doing right now?” Kuroo exclaimed, eyes open wide, a big smile plastered on his face.

Kenma blushed but shook his head. Kuroo´s excitement made him feel all warm and giddy inside, but he wanted to show him when it was ready. “Not yet, I just started and you don´t get code anyway.”

Pouting, Kuroo went into the kitchen, pouring himself and Kenma some tea. Taking care of the smaller boy had become accustomed by now and Kuroo did not even notice until Kenma thanked him for the tea.

“I am happy that you found motivation to work again.”, Kuroo mumbled, hands tracing over Kenma´s shoulder blade. The younger blushed and thanked him quietly.

At this point, Kuroo spend more time at Kenma´s apartment than his own. He was fine with it but hoped he wasn´t too intrusive. But when he felt Kenma´s soft hair spreading over his shoulder as he leant onto him, he knew he wasn´t.

Kenma´s heart was pounding in his chest as he felt Kuroo´s body heat so close against him once again. Sure, he had been in this situation before, but the last times were different. Kuroo had taken care of him as he felt down but now – for once – Kenma´s focus was not on any of his problems.

If all, Kuroo was his biggest problem right now. Hesitantly, Kenma lifted his arm and started to trace the colourful tattoos on Kuroo´s sleeves. Soft flowers blooming on his bicep, a clock and sword above background ranks and finally the snake, whose head led in Kuroo´s palm.

As Kenma´s hands reached the black haired´s hands, the other intertwined their fingers and traced the moth on Kenma´s neck up to his jaw, softly cupping his face, playing with his hair.

Kenma slowly lifted his gaze and locked eyes with Kuroo´s fiery hazel stare. He gulped and his heart felt like it might leap out of his chest. They were so incredibly close and still, every fiber of him longed to get closer.

And Kuroo´s eyes showed him the same. His hand grabbed Kenma´s chin and – finally – pulled him into a kiss. 

It was different from before, not soft and loving, no. This kiss was heated and Kenma could feel the desire to get even closer on both of their lips.

He thought he knew how good of a kisser Kuroo Tetsurou was, but oh boy was he wrong. As their lips heavily crashed together like colliding waves, Kenma felt like same wave washed away all thoughts in his brain.

The only thing he could think of was how good Kuroo´s lips felt on him. They gasped for air and then reunited again and Kenma almost lost it as he felt Kuroo´s tongue on his lower lip.

He opened his mouth gladly, tongues clashing and Kenma gasped. Kuroo had a tongue piercing? How the fuck didn´t he notice before? He felt Kuroo smirk in this kiss as he bit his lower lip and Kenma sighed in the kiss, slowly climbing on the black haired´s lap.

Kenma felt Kuroo´s hand in his hair and leaned closer into the kiss, lips against lips, breathes exchanging. They were connected more deeply than last time and both felt it.

“Kenma”, Kuroo broke the kiss at last, panting. “We have to stop, I-” And Kenma knew too well. “Yes”, he agreed. “We don´t need to hurry this.”

The tattoo artist still leaned his forehead against Kenma´s and planted a little kiss against his nose.

“Kozume Kenma”, he grinned, eyes still fixed on the smallers now red lips. Then, they roamed up and met his eyes. “Would you like to be my boyfriend?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hehehe it got a bit more heated theree :D  
> I hope y´all liked it aaand we also all got to meet Saeko Tanaka andd get some closer look to the work of both our protagonists.  
> This chapter is a tiny bit longer but i dont think you mind.  
> I am still debating about writing smut for this fic,,,it has been a while and I am also kind of embarassed about it hehe  
> I guess I´ll just go with the flow, honestly when I start a new chapter i don´t even know wtf will happen either, sometimes it just happens.  
> that method wasn´t bad so far thoo
> 
> Have a super awesome dayy I love y´all <3  
> Take care :)


	14. Chapter 14

Heat covered Kenma´s cheeks completely as he felt Kuroo´s dark eyes on him, waiting patiently for an answer.

A short moment of hesitation hit Kenma, knowing he would keep bugging Kuroo with his depression, his moodiness and his problems.

But these thoughts vanished quickly as he remembered his hugs, the way he took care of Kenma, the soft smirk he could feel on Kuroo´s lips when they kissed and the way Kuroo´s hands felt around the needle, inking his skin and forming Kenma into a living artwork.

He liked the tattoo artist too much to refuse. “Yes.”, he grinned and after seconds he could feel Kuroo´s lips on his again.

The kiss did not last too long, although both wanted more. The heat in Kuroo´s eyes shook Kenma to the core and he felt a warmth fluttering in his chest, filling his entire body with tingling endorphines.

“Can I use your shower?”, Kuroo asked hesitantly. “I am kinda sweaty from work.”

Kenma hadn´t noticed any smell on him but still agreed and Kuroo gave him a thumbs up.

As soon as Kuroo had left, he grabbed his phone and texted Oikawa anxiously. After only a few seconds, his phone started ringing and Oikawa´s voice boomed through the speakers.

“He did WHAT?” Kenma laughed. “Seems like I have a boyfriend now.”

“That shameless prick.”, Oikawa giggled. “I am so happy for you, Kenma.”

The programmer thanked his best friend and they kept chatting about nothingness until Iwaizumi complained that Kenma was stealing his Tooru away from him.

Kenma apologized and quickly said his goodbyes. “Have fun with your boyfriend”, Oikawa said and the blonde haired could only imagine his wiggling eyebrows. The call ended and Kenma lit himself a cigarette.

Smoking was a habit he had not been able to get rid of, no matter how hard he tried. He had been off drugs for a while now (except weed maybe) but he still needed the calming feeling of the smoke lingering in his lungs for seconds and then being pushed forcefully out into the air.

Maybe he would never be able to get rid of this addiction.

~

Of course Kuroo wasn´t sweaty, he knew that. But he couldn´t keep sitting around Kenma with a boner – or worse – let Kenma discover that.

It was incredibly embarrassing for him but even in the shower he could not forget the soft blush on Kenma´s face, the way his lips had fitted on Kuroo´s or his shyness as soon as their tongues touched.

The imagine of Kenma´s face as he interruped the kiss had burned into his memory. His eyes, slowly looking up at him through long lashes, his lips glistening with saliva, with messy hair, covering half of his face and hiding his blush.

God, all this thinking did not solve his problem.

But he could not jerk off in Kenma´s shower, even though it seemed tempting.

Cold water hit Kuroo´s shoulders and he stared at the tiles on the wall across the room, trying to picture nasty food or infected piercings.

It did help a bit and as soon as he had calmed down a bit, he exited the shower and got dressed again.

Kuroo really needed to stop being such a horny bitch around Kenma. He knew it could take a while until Kenma allowed him to lay hand on him in that way and he accepted it. For now, his right hand would have to suffice.

~

As soon as he laid eyes on Kuroo, Kenma gasped slightly.

Fuck.

Water was still dripping down his slightly wet hair and his shoulder muscles as well as his tattoos could be seen through the white shirt, where the water had made it almost transparent.

Out-of-shower-Kuroo definitely was sexy and Kenma quickly averted his gaze and took another cigarette.

“What d´you wanna do?”, he asked while focusing on the glowing heat of the nicotine in his hand.

“Anything, really.”, Kuroo grinned and started strolling around in Kenma´s apartment. 

“Can I enter here or is this like your secret kink room?”, Kuroo smirked and pointed to the door next to Kenma´s room.

The smaller blushed but allowed him to enter and quickly got up to follow him. 

“You have a fucking piano?”, he heard Kuroo scream from inside and smiled.

“Yeah, but I can´t play. Just got it from my grandma as she passed away.”

“Oh. I´m sorry.”

“It´s okay.”

“Can I play?”, he asked Kenma hesitantly but the tattoed blonde nodded.

Kuroo sat down on the chair and opened, hands gliding over the keys without pushing them. “Damn, this is fancy. I only have a keyboard at home.”

“You´re welcome to play anytime.”

“Thanks.”, Kuroo smiled and placed his hands on the keys.

And then he started playing and Kenma was taken aback. The notes were soft and feline, strumming directly at Kenma´s heartstrings. He couldn´t keep his eyes away from Kuroo, his concentrated gaze and agile hands playing.

And then his left hand started wandering to the lower notes, hitting a bass note while his right hand spread out to fill the room with a majestic and beautiful melody, supported by a beautiful melody in the lower regions, forming a cocoon of sound that wrapped around Kenma.

His heart hammered and ever fiber of his body was filled with notes, their rhythm controlling his heartbeat and his breathing.

And then the melody faded, repeating itself quietly and Kuroo finished off with soft high chords in the right hand, that made Kenma feel like the heavy weight on his heart had transformed into butterflies that now filled his stomach.

The music stopped and Kenma looked up, slowly gaining consciousness of his surroundings again. 

God, he had it bad for Kuroo Tetsuro.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello welcome yes ^^  
> honestly this chapter is just cute with no sense of plot at all but i wanted to make your hearts flutterrr hehe
> 
> the song mentioned is p a c e s [ s ] by survive said the prophet (or at least I used it as reference)  
> (Link: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=syPcQuu9-pI)
> 
> also, i have not yet decided but i will probably end up writing smut for this someday....it has been a while, yes but i am just too much in love with kuroken hehe
> 
> have a nice day, thanks for the support  
> i love you  
> take care


	15. Chapter 15

It had been a month since Kuroo and Kenma got together and so far everyone around them had noticed their recent good mood.

Kuroo´s tattoo designs kept astounding Yaku, even though he had been aware of the fact that Kuroo´s talent was the only thing that kept the shop going, it had improved rapidly with the addition of Kuroo´s new muse.

In case of Kenma, it was a bit harder to notice but Oikawa immediately saw how much better he was now. He was able to get out of bed almost every day and even worked on his new game several days a week.

Both had become much more content and less moody and even if Kenma broke down occasionally, Kuroo managed to take care of him astoundingly well.

Still, recently Kuroo felt like Kenma was sinking into a slump again and he knew that in some things he alone just could not help. Of course he was good at what he did but Kenma really needed professional help.

And Kuroo had been incredibly scared to talk about if with Kenma because he didn´t know how he would react. Oikawa had told him that the smaller had refused therapists several times even though he dragged him there but Kuroo just wanted the best for his boyfriend.

~

Today was a bad day.

Kenma knew it as soon as he opened his eyes. His limbs felt heavy and his brain like a stiff mass floating inside his head lazily.

He turned around and closed his eyes again.

By the time Kuroo arrived with dinner, Kenma was sitting on the balcony, smoking one cigarette after the other. His body was cold, shaking in the icy February air but he felt so numb that he did not notice.

Kuroo sighed and watched him quietly before joining him with coffee and blankets to at least keep him warm.

They shared the silence for a while, Kenma – now wrapped in blankets – laying against Kuroo´s shoulder, smoking and staring into the evening sky. 

The tattoo artist could not help but to admire Kenma´s beauty, even with his tired eyes and drooping shoulders reeking like nicotine.

“Kenma”, he whispered. “I know you don´t like this but...how about you go see a therapist?”

He immediately felt Kenma tensing next to him, trying to distance himself.

“We can both go. I´ll be there with you to support you. But we both know you need help, so please just give this a chance.”

Kenma averted his eyes without a comment. “I´ll think about it.”

The answer to that was an adorable smile that made Kenma´s heart skip a beat. “That makes me happy, thank you.”, Kuroo grinned.

Wait, he wasn´t going to force him? No endless convincing? Just letting him be?

Never once in his life had Kenma felt so relieved.

“Hey Kuroo.”, he said quietly and immediately met the other´s hazel eyes, all attention on him. “Can I get another tattoo?”

~

Kuroo loved tattooing Kenma. No client before him had felt like this under his hands. He could not describe it but it was addicting.

And he also loved seeing Kenma in his apartment. The small figure sitting in his living room, looking at stencils Kuroo had prepared for his idea.

Kenma made his apartment – that seemed almost foreign to him after the countless times he spend at Kenma´s – feel a little bit more like home.

The smaller boy laid on his couch, patiently waiting for Kuroo to finish prepping his tattoo machine. He already had applied the stencil to Kenma´s inner thigh and god, he already knew this spot would kill him.

Only applying the stencil had made his heart race, feeling the sensation of Kenma´s soft skin underneath his fingers.

“Kenma, I need you spread your legs a little more.”, Kuroo said and then realized what exactly had left his lips.

Fuck, he thought. He didn´t want to make this weird.

But Kenma just smiled, blushing furiously and let his other leg slide off the couch and let Kuroo sit between his legs to tattoo him.

By now, both of their heads were coloured red and Kuroo said nothing and just started pressing the needle into Kenma´s skin. The smaller´s skin felt smooth and innocent under his fingers and Kuroo almost didn´t notice the small shudder surging through his body.

The dark ink contrasted heavily with his marble skin and the tattoo artist felt like he could not see enough of that beautiful, soft, white quartz skin being covered in his art.

“So what´s the meaning of this one?”, he asked, trying to distract himself from the sensation of Kenma´s thigh against his hands.

And then something happened that Kuroo had never seen on his face before. Kenma smirked.

And god, he looked so incredibly sexy, Kuroo had to look away to regulate his breath and beating heart.

“I will tell you later.”

Kuroo just looked at him, hearing his blood rush in his ears and damn it he was so in love with this man, it hurt his heart.

After zoning out for a while and trying to process to image of Kenma smirking. And then he continued putting ink under Kenma´s skin, trying not to think about how warm and soft it felt under his skin. He almost did not want to pierce it with the needle.

“All done”, Kuroo grinned and started cleaning the wound. He was proud of this one, the lines were sharp and the black he chose harmonized beautifully.

“Thanks, I love it.”, Kenma smiled and Kuroo pecked him on the nose and leaned their foreheads together. Suddenly, the blonde leaped forward, crawling into Kuroo´s lap, kissing him passionately.

“Kuroo”, his eyes were dark and captioned the black haired´s gaze in his. “Let´s have sex.”

Kuroo felt as if his heart might explode.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dontkillmedontkillmedontkillme
> 
> yes i decided to write smut  
> yes i am scared  
> help
> 
> have a nice day, i love ya, take caree <33


	16. Chapter 16

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> CW: Smut  
> Honestly almost this entire chapter is smut-ish (my smut is not that explicit most of the time)  
> If you dont wanna read if skip to the next chapter

“Kenma- I thought-”

The blonde boy shut him up with a kiss and ran his hands over the broad back, whining. “C´mon you had to endure it the whole time tattooing my thigh, right?”

Kuroo´s eyes widened. “This was your plan all along, you little bastard. Now, if you want it that bad, I will have mercy.”, he chuckled deeply, a smirk spreading over his lips. Kenma shuddered atop of his lap and his boyfriend started placing feather kisses on his jaw and neck.

The blonde´s skin was on fire, aching for Kuroo´s hands and he arched his back to let his opposite access to his neck a little better.

“You´re beautiful.”, he sighed against Kenma´s skin, and the shudder rippled down his back once again, pressing out a small, panting moan that forced Kuroo to pant heavily too.

“Wait, let´s transfer to the bedroom.”, he barely released the words out of his mouth and he picked Kenma up, who immediately put his legs around Kuroo´s torso. “Careful with your tattoo.”, the black haired warned and softly caressed Kenma´s thigh.

It was really hard to stumble through the hallway with Kenma all over him, kissing and sucking at his neck while clamped to his body, hands running under his shirt, feeling his muscles and holding on to his back.

Finally they reached the bed and Kuroo felt like he was slowly loosing his mind, seeing Kenma like this. He placed him on the bad, slowly lowering himself, towering over the small body of his boyfriend. “Gorgeous”, he mumbled, kissing Kenma´s collarbones and then pausing shortly to look at him.

Red coloured his cheeks and he was panting heavily, looking up at him through long eyelashes. Dizziness overcame Kuroo as he felt his heart accelerate in his chest. This look in Kenma´s eyes made him feel intoxicated, it clouded his brain made his body heat up.

And then two small hands tugged at his shirt and soon Kuroo was shirtless, his body hovering over Kenma and the blind want to taste his skin took over. He lifted the blondes shirt and started spreading kisses all over his stomach up to his chest.

Feeling Kenma´s skin beneath him, tasting it, kissing the tattoos he designed and tattooed and noticing the small body arch desperately made Kuroo almost go crazy.

Quickly, the pale man got rid of his shirt too and a pierced tongue flicked against his exposed nipples. A breathless moan escaped his lips and he burrowed his fingertips in soft black hair.

Somehow Kuroo knew exactly what made him go feral because as soon as he felt Kenma´s hands in his hair, his fingers careful caressed along his sides, stopping just over his boxers.

“Kuroo”, the younger complained and gave him a silent gaze of impatience. He could feel him chuckle against his skin and his fingertips softly pulled at his boxers. Kenma could feel every finger as Kuroo slid his trousers off, admiring his long, pale legs.

And then he kissed Kenma passionately, cupping his face with his hands. “You are stunning.”, Kuroo muttered and then slowly kissed down the blonde´s body again.

He took extra time for the thighs. Even though Kenma knew this was vengeance for his placement of the tattoo to seduce him he whined and squirmed under his lips.

Kuroo´s fingertips streaked his thighs again, holding onto his shaking hips. “You okay?”, he asked, looking at Kenma with a worried look that tried to hide the fire of lust in his eyes.

But Kenma just nodded. He was almost crying, aching for Kuroo´s hands on him. And then he felt him, his mouth all around him, hot and slick. And he just threw his head back, letting out a guttural moan.

He could feel Kuroo´s smirk through his spine, his legs shuddered every time the tongue piercing flicked against his tip. The urge to buck his hips into the black haired mouth was gigantic but two iron hands held him in place, stopping him from moving in any way.

Kenma knew exactly that he would not last long at this pace but Kuroo´s lips around him felt too addicting to be true and he could not stop him. It felt too good.

Somehow Kuroo knew that he was close though and slowly pulled back, kissing his tip one last time leaving Kenma shaking and shuddering in pleasure.

The sheets sank next to his hips as his boyfriend climbed back onto the bed. The obvious bulge in Kuroo´s jeans spread a feeling of anxiety and exciting arousal in his stomach. 

“You sure want to go on?”, Kuroo asked, searching for any sign to stop in Kenma´s eyes.

Never before had someone taken so good care of him during sex. Kenma felt in heaven. He was usually the one to give and there had been too many times he did not even have an orgasm. This only felt right, but he was also nervous.

Now he could not stop but think about hands, flipping him over, using him merciless on some kitchen table. He only remembered the pain and the pressed moans from his abuser.

“Kenma?”, Hazel eyes met his, soft hands had cupped his face and looked down onto him worriedly.

“Ah Kuroo”, he sighed. “I don´t know what came over me let´s just go on-”

“No way in hell I´m goin to have sex with you when you think of that bastard.”, Kuroo said angrily. “I want you to feel the most amazing and you can´t do that if you relive your trauma..”

The sudden acceleration of Kenma´s heart beat made him hold his breath for a second. “Thank you.”, he said blushing. “But can you at least finish this?”, he asked, pointing down at his painfully aching erection.

“I don´t think of him when you give me blowjobs, I promise. He never did that stuff for me.” Kuroo´s eyes widened. “Whaaat? Jeez then there´s extra pressure, I need to be the best blowjob you ever got.”, he grinned.

The blonde only blushed. “You have already achieved that dumbass.”

The redness spread over to Kuroo´s cheeks as well and he just smiled, slowly kissing all over Kenma again, occasionally muttering “Beautiful” or “Gorgeous”.

Never before had somebody treated Kenma like this. He loved Kuroo with every part of his body and he felt the sudden urge to express this. His hands clasped around the black haired´s head and he pulled him up to kiss him.

Kuroo accepted with a gasp of surprise, smiling sweetly, looking at Kenma like he was the most precious person in his world.

“I love you.”, he whispered.

Hazel eyes stared in his in shock that vastly was overtaken by happiness. “I love you too”, Kuroo answered inbetween kisses and snuggled onto Kenma. “Let me show you.”

The smirk spread again on Kuroo´s face and Kenma threw his head back at the sudden pleasure of his hands around him. Soon he lost himself in his boyfriends arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i am always thoroughly embarrassed writing smut although it wasnt so bad this time  
> im sorry if its bad  
> ahh
> 
> take care i love you allll


	17. Chapter 17

Warm hands held on to Kenma, as he squeezed Kuroo´s fingers in his. His whole body was tense and just felt on the edge as he watched the room cautiously.

It was nice and cozy, the couch he sat on felt soft underneath his freshly tattooed thighs. The woman sitting across him looked at him, seemingly patient.

Surely she was bored and impatient because Kenma could not reach for the opportunity that Kuroo had put right in front of him. The only one holding him here and keeping him from completely erupting into panic was Kuroo and his warm hands around his.

“Kenma, take your time. If you don´t want to talk about it, it´s okay.”, Kuroo whispered. “Can you talk for me?”, Kenma asked, barely being able to bring out a hoarse mumble.

He felt his boyfriend tense next to him. “I don´t know what you want to share though.”, he said quietly. Kenma did not want to talk anymore, exhaustion washed through his body. He unlocked his phone and texted Kuroo.

> Just tell her about how I have been feeling. Nothing about Jaewoo yet. Just what you observed. And nothing about out relationship.

The black haired tattoo artist understood immediately and checked his messages. His hazel eyes were clear ad concentrated as they met Kenma´s and he nodded. “Please stop me if I say anything wrong.”

He just nodded.

“Alright”, Kuroo started and looked at the woman in front of them who had just followed their quiet conversation wordlessly.

“You probably guessed what´s going on.”, he said to the therapist. “He can´t really talk about his feeling and since I am very close to him, I will try to express it the best I can.”

Her sharp gaze met his eye immediately. “No”, she said. Kuroo froze. “W-what?”

“If he cannot talk about his feeling, he has to learn it. You can´t get better like this.”, the woman answered, eyes locked on Kenma. “You need to learn to talk about it. To express what bugs you and how you feel and that is your way to get better. So this will be your homework.”

Confusion was still written all over Kenma´s face. The woman smiled and explained: “To express your feelings to your friend here. Tell him what annoys you. Describe to him how you feel. Come back when you managed to do that.”

On the way home neither of them said a word. Both were too stunned to say anything.

As soon as they got to Kenma´s apartment, his phone rang and he changed rooms to talk to Dr. Iwaizumi. Oikawa had probably told him and now he congratulated Kenma for going to a therapist.

Kuroo was still deep in thought.

On the way out, the woman, Dr. Kiyoko, had exchanged another couple of words with him.

“You´re his boyfriend, right?”

His cheeks had immediately changed colour. “Yes, but how do you-”

“I see the way you look at each other. I am not blind.”

Kuroo had looked at the floor, ashamed. Of course, she was a therapist after all.

“Well to help him, you can first make him talk about what he likes around him, whether he likes the food you gave him or the movie. Maybe even with physical contact if he is comfortable with that. And from that point you can slowly move on to feelings. If he opens up to you, it will be easier to talk to me. If you need anything, please call me.”

“Thanks a lot Kiyoko.”, Kuroo had said, bowing. She had just smiled.

~

After talking to Iwaizumi, Kenma had barricaded himself in his room, smoking. He thought about what the therapist had said to him.

It was harder than he had thought, to phrase his feelings. He could neither describe this ephemeral feelings of happiness around Kuroo nor the hollow emptiness that filled him in the spaces in between these impulses of happiness.

But how could he explain the gaping hole in his chest to anyone who did not feel the same way? Desperation rolled over him. His ability to express himself – or rather the lack thereof – had never been a problem to him. But now he felt pathetic in not being able to tell other people how he felt.

Maybe it was because he had denied feeling shitty for such a long time. Kenma had so desperately tried to shut people out that he struggled with letting them in now.

“Kenma, I made dinner.”, he heard Kuroo call from the living room.

He finished his cigarette and opened the window to hide the fact that he had been smoking so much. His boyfriend would only worry.

As he entered the living room, a delicious smell entered his nose. “Kuroo, you cooked?”, he exclaimed, surprised.

“Ahhh, yes”, the black haired said and embarrassment spread over his face. “Please tell me whether you like it, I just wanted to try something.”

Kenma smiled. Maybe there was one person he could open up to after all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It´s been a while i am so sorry but I went into a huge slump after pressing all the art out of my body to finish the application for art school.
> 
> Thanks for supporting me nevertheless <3
> 
> I love you all! Take care.


	18. Chapter 18

Kenma woke up early, bright light flooding through his squinted eyes. A warm body was pressed against him and he felt soft breathing on top of his head. 

As he looked up, he saw Kuroo´s face, peacefully laying in the sheets, eyes closed and breathing calmly. Even asleep he looked beautiful. The sun tinted his face in a warm orange light and made him glow.

The urge to lean forward and kiss him started to grow in Kenma´s stomach and the warm skin of Kuroo´s arms pressed against him didn´t slow the heavy heartbeat in his chest.

He slowly leaned in, watching Kuroo´s face intently. His lips still formed a soft smirk – his standard expression – and his eyelashes cast long shadows on his cheeks. 

Kenma felt afloat, hovering over his boyfriend´s face and he did not want to break the moment to kiss him. 

The marble skin looked too beautiful to break it with his lips.

The levitate over Kuroo´s body was broken by a hand that grabbed the back of his head. “If you won't do it, I will.”, the black haired grinned, his hazel luring up to him through hooded eyelids.

And then he pulled Kenma down and connected their lips softly. Even though Kuroo´s skin looked like hard, cool marble it felt smooth and warm under his lips. He closed his eyes and felt a tattooed hand caressing his hair and melted into the touch.

“Kenma, it´s my free day today.”, Kuroo mumbled as they broke the kiss. “I usually play volleyball with the guys, do you want to join or do something else?”

Eyes fixated on his boyfriend, Kenma answered: “I used to play volleyball too, you know. I think I feel good enough to join you.”

A bright smile spread over the tattoo artist´s face as he shifted forward to trap the blonde in a tight hug.

“That makes me so happy! But if they´re too much, please tell me so we can leave, alright?”

Kenma nodded. He might have signed up for his doom. But as long as Kuroo was with him, he was okay with it.

~

It had been ages since Kenma had played volleyball. The gym was big and bright, sunlight illuminating the wooden floor. The familiar squeak of shoes and the smell of sweat filled the air.

The sound of a volleyball, being spiked onto the floor got him back into reality. “Nice Spike, Bokuto!”, someone shouted and he found himself fixating on the four players on the field. 

“Guyss”, Kuroo waved at them, his usual smirk on the lips.

Suddenly, all eyes were on them. Captured by the attention, Kenma shuffled closer to Kuroo and felt an overwhelming desire to hide behind him.

“Kuroo, it´s been ageees.”, the man who hit the spike just now came running towards Kuroo and hugged him tightly. 

“Sorry Bokuto, had some things to take care of.”, Kuroo said, his gaze connecting to Kenma´s eyes.

“Y´all better missed my nasty blocks. Glasses-boy I hope you improved.” The blonde tall guy that Kuroo pointed at glared at him and groaned annoyed.

“Kuroo who is this?”, a small boy with brightly coloured orange hair looked up at Kenma. 

“Ahh well, this is Kenma, my b-...my friend. He will be joining us today, but please don´t bother him too much he is not that good in being social.”

“Understood Sir Kuroo, Sir.”, the smaller boy saluted jokingly and ran back to the others.

The black haired grabbed Kenma´s shoulder and pulled him to the side. “I´m not gonna tell them anything you don´t want them to know. Please tell me if I do anything wrong or if you want to change something.”

The blonde felt afraid. Four unknown people that were much too familiar with Kuroo made him feel in the wrong place. But they were Kuroo´s friends and he wanted to meet them. And that made him feel more courageous than ever.

“Okay let me introduce y´all. This is Bokuto Koutarou”, he said, pointing to the wing spiker with the messy black and white coloured hair. “and his best friend – or boyfriend we wouldn´t know – Akaashi Keiji.”, his finger wandered to the black haired setter by Bokuto´s side. 

“Oh and Hinata Shoyo and Tsukishima Kei.”, he said, referring to the middle blockers that were arguing by the side.

“Let´s play 3 vs 3.”, Hinata said excitedly. “I´ll play with Bokuto!”

His happiness was contagious and soon Bokuto and Hinata were two agitated bundles running around the room. Kenma chuckled at Akaashi´s annoyed groan and followed Kuroo to join his and Tsukishima´s team.

“What position do you play, Kenma?”, Tsukishima asked and made the smaller inhale sharply. “Setter.”, he pressed out. 

The middle blocker nodded. “You can set a little bit higher and right in front of the net.”, he said. “I can do quick attacks as well but like to use feints.”

Kenma just nodded, his mind already strained by the social interactions.

The match started and as soon as Kenma´s hands touched the volleyball, he stopped regretting. It was all worth it. Being able to play was one of the greatest gifts Kuroo had given him.

And the other team was not half bad, Bokuto spiked really good and it was hard to stop his monstrous spikes.

But both players in his team were middle blockers, and god – Kenma would never forget Kuroo´s face while blocking. 

The loose smirk on his lips, the confident pose of his body, the flexing muscles of his arms and legs. Kuroo really was perfect.

But Tsukishima played cunning as well, using feints when nobody was expecting them.

It felt good to give his all and be all exhausted again. It was a different tired feeling from the one he was used to. He had been tired from sleeping all day but now he really felt like he could sleep for ages, not only as a way of passing time.

They won 25:23 but it had been a close call until the end. Kenma sat down by the side, drinking from his water bottle. Kuroo had a seat next to him and shuffled closer.

“Kenma”, he whispered. “You look too hot when playing volleyball, I really can´t take it.”

An immense blush spread over Kenma´s cheeks. “Stop it.”, he whined and stood up to distance himself from his boyfriend. But that forced him to join in the conversation with the others.

Kuroo smiled as he watched Kenma exchange short words with the others. They really were respecting his privacy and he appreaciated that.

But Kenma needed to get out and therefore he tried to give him more possibilities. 

It hurt him to see his boyfriend in pain. Healing him was the only option for the black haired tattoo artist.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> UPDATE YAYAY
> 
> lets goo kuroo we make kenma happy again
> 
> love u all


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry it´s been ages and the moment I get inspiration is a day before my chem exam - of course.  
> Anyways, I need to get back into the flow so this chapter is probably not as good but I hope y´all like it anyways.  
> Love you, take care.

After the day out with the guys, Kuroo had given him some space. Yet, Kenma kinda wanted him to come back. He wanted to see him. 

He needed to express his feelings, Kenma remembered and unlocked his phone. His face was tinted in cold phone light and Kuroo´s name on the screen seemed to stare at him intensely. 

Verbalize your feelings, he thought. How could he describe it? Whenever Kuroo was around, Kenma felt warm and fuzzy inside. 

The silence that filled the apartment without Kuroo was deafening and - hell, Kenma just wanted to see his boyfriend again. They had not even been together that long - had he become this desperate already? 

It seemed kind of pathetic to him how close he already had grown. He never thought he would ever tell anyone about his ex-boyfriend except Oikawa who had known him before and helped him through it. 

Nevertheless, Kuroo was more to him. Kenma wanted him to know everything there was to know, already aware that the tattoo artist would adore every part of him.

Fuck it, he thought and typed in a message before he could change his mind. He hit send quickly and threw the phone on the couch, breathing heavily as if he just ran a marathon.

~

>I miss you

Three words that could accelerate Kuroo´s heartbeat quicker than anything else. 

>I´ll be there asap Kenma, just let me finish work real quick

His fingers shook while typing. Originally he planned to leave Kenma alone for a short time, but it seemed like Kenma did not like that as much as he had initially thought.

The blonde really made him feel all giddy inside again. It felt like the first time he fell in love and somehow Kenma made him fall for him all over again.

The feeling barely vanished with the shake of his head but at least he could focus on the girl that flirted shamelessly with him while he tattooed her. She was really annoying, but Kuroo had learned to deal with customers like this. The only one he had ever flirted with during work was Kenma.

"Are you free after this?", the girl asked. Kuroo barely remembered her name. He took the money she offered him over the counter and shook his head. "Sorry, I am off now to see my partner."

A silent and satisfied smirk spread over his lips as he watched shock lay over her face. "Alright, see you soon. Thanks for the tattoo.", she said and left immediately.

"Damn it smells like rejection.", Yaku grinned and his employee just rolled his eyes. "It´s unprofessional to flirt with your customers.", he just answered.   
"You did not think that with Kenma, eh?"  
"Shut up!"  
Both laughed and started cleaning up.

Cleaning had taken a lot more time than Kuroo had hoped and he was in a hurry to get home to Kenma. The door was unlocked - Kuroo had to remind the pudding head to lock it later.   
"I´m home.", he called out.

A small warm body wrapped around him and he chuckled, patting Kenma´s head. "Sorry babe. Long day.", he explained and sat down on the couch to calm his heart.  
"Missed me that much?", Kuroo chuckled and scanned the apartment. Kenma had opened the windows to ventilate the room and get rid of the smell of smoke. 

He felt the smaller breath heavily on top of him and Kenma did not look at him as he opened his mouth. "Yes, actually. I missed you a lot. You know, I really had fun with your friends, even though it was kind of draining in the end. But just because they are draining does not mean you have to leave me alone. You are like a charger for me."

The heavy heartbeat over his showed Kuroo how hard this had been for Kenma. He pulled him closer into the hug and smiled, feeling a familiar warmth fill him. "Thanks for sharing that with me.", he smiled and placed a soft kiss atop of Kenma´s nose.

"I love you.", Kuroo said. "Hmm tell me about your day.", Kenma mumbled into his chest. Even though he tried to hide it, the blush that had spread over his cheeks was clearly visible to Kuroo.

And Kuroo just started blabbering away, telling him about the tattoos he did today and showing him some pictures. Kenma just closed his eyes and listened, enjoying the soft ring in Kuroo´s voice.

"And in the end, the girl just left after I rejected her, it was really awkward.", Kuroo said and Kenma started listening to what he actually was saying again.

Something bubbled up inside him, the thought of a girl looking at Kuroo made him feel uneasy. Especially since he knew, that Kuroo was far too good for him. He would deserve better. He´d deserve a girl who could care for him the same way he cared about Kenma.

It would not strain him like Kenma´s difficult behavior did, surely he would grow tired of Kenma one day.

But the blonde was alright with that. As long as he could cherish the time he spent with his boyfriend now. 

"What are you thinking about?", Kuroo asked, his head laid back, looking at him from a weird angle. For a second Kenma considered lying, but then he gave up on it.

"I hope you´ll stay with me as long as possible. I know I am by far not what you deserve but I still hope that it will take some time until you find someone better."

Confusion spread over Kuroo´s face. "What are you talking about? Oh - the girl?", he sighed and took Kenma´s hand, staring intensely at his face.

"Kenma, I know it was not easy. But I never expected it to be and I chose to be with you. If we ever part, it may be for the better but right now I have no desire to be with somebody else whatsoever. And don´t ever say I´d deserve better. You are amazing. Thank you for sharing your thoughts."

And Kenma would never forget the way Kuroo looked at him like he was the most fragile and beautiful thing he had ever seen. He felt as if his heart might rise out of his chest the way it stuttered. For a moment, he forgot his worries about Kuroo leaving him and just enjoyed the moment, and their bodies pressed against each other.


End file.
